I mowed the lawn tonite without earbuds because I wanted to talk to myself and see if I could piece together how my life has gotten to this point of sheer good-ness. Especially since I've been riding the rollercoaster of high highs and low lows since about mid August. Maybe this is why the best advice is really just to hold on one more day.
I had major, major breakthru last night. It felt as if everything everything everything over the past 15 years was preparing me for 7:29 PM on a Tuesday Night in the last week of September 2019. The exact moment when, BAM, it all became so simple in a strangely chaotic and inconsequential moment. It was like the last piece of the puzzle dropped in and finally all was said and done. Laughter followed, naturally.
I think this post should read like laughter, bursts of joy unable to be contained. It's all so minuscule and inconsequential and yet the minutia of details are like clues along the way. All I have to share are clues from my week, but really the clues have been going on for a lifetime, and my emotions and energy just build and crash and build again like waves, until tossing some much need sea glass sparkly clue of clarity onto my shores before returning to cycle through again.
Clues this week: (i.e. Things working together for good)
- I have a regal spider friend in front of my home that spins zigzags and catches anything annoying in her web.
- I met an artist named Tyson who is an oracle and he gave me a little snap out of it and wake yourself back up speech without even knowing it.
- A woman who has fought so hard to listen to her body told me to trust my body. To listen to my body because I didn't and I should have. I could have.
- I found a book I can actually focus to read right now. I found it from a bulletin board hanging outside the elementary school library - recommended literature for a child. I have been excited to read another chapter every night. There is a black orchid and a crystal ball and a girl called Windrift.
- I returned to Robert Henri's The Art Spirit once again.
- I am making friends.
- I spent hours drawing on a weekend night.
- I said I'm sorry to a child.
- The child said she wouldn't forgive me.
- That didn't matter. That wasn't the point.
- I faced a particular skill that I was fearful of on a bike.
- I have been savoring sour dough bread with local honey.
- I noticed a piece of art on my wall that I haven't taken notice of in a very long time.
- I made a list of 15 things.
- I said things out loud to other people that I've resisted saying.
- I put away my Summer tarot deck and pulled out my Fall tarot deck.
- I purged stuff.
- I said yes to volunteering to co-lead a 5th grade Art Club during school hours on my day off.
- I listened to my new artist friend Tyson laugh with glee and say, "Everything I need just shows up in front of me." And I said to myself, "Yes, please. I'll have that life."
- And so I have.
- I made a Picasso piece of art out of cardboard that made me so happy I could burst.
- Now I must write some letters.